And round and round it goes

When your kids are home and you are busy every minute of the day just trying to keep cloths on their backs, food on the table, and tears wiped away from encounters with things like sidewalks and other kids, you don't have time to even think about what it would be like if they were not there. Then they leave, all but one of of mine left practically at the same time. The straggler was only home because it provided free food and shelter while she completed her degree. As soon as that happened she also was gone, leaving us with an "empty nest". It took a long time to adjust to this reality. You see our oldest was born only 10 1/2 months into our marriage so we had never really been alone before. The whole cycle is now repeating itself with our kids.

Dianna's kids have all been gone for awhile. Two live within a few hours driving distance and the others are very far away. Shelley's have been gone for awhile too. One lives only a couple hours away and the other clear across country. Amy is facing the imminent departure of one of her 5 kids and Rick's oldest is on his own. I came to the realization long ago and our kids are confronting the fact that it doesn't matter if your children are across town or on the other side of the world. They have their own lives, their own circle of friends and you play a very limited role in their lives. Hard as it is, you raised them to be independent and they learned their lessons well. Just as we are proud of each of our kids, I know our kids are proud of our grand kids. They wouldn't want them to be any other way. But you can't have them dependent and still be independent.

God instructed us to "leave our father and our mother and cleave to our spouse". It is His plan and just like so many other things that we don't fully understand, this hurts. It hurts so deeply. We pour our lives into our kids. We nourish and care for them, sacrificing ourselves for their benefit. When they are on their own, we have to start learning to live all over again, not an easy task. We still love our kids and would do almost anything for them. Kind of like learning to swim with an anchor tied to your ankles. But no parent I know would even consider cutting the rope and completely severing the connection, no matter how hard the effort it takes to keep afloat. No, we thank God for the little time we are allowed to have with them and our precious grandchildren. Yes, allowed. For it is entirely their call. We also know that the cycle will eventually come fully around again. Our children will need to learn to let go. And so it goes, one generation followed by the next generation and then the next.

In some cultures several generations live under the same roof. In these cultures, grandparents help raise their grandchildren and the children care for their parents in their home as they become elderly. The transitions are less traumatic. But we do not live in this type of culture, so we suffer both physically and emotionally as we age and pulled apart over and over again. May God give us strength and courage to get out of bed, prepair our daily bread and look for ways to give support to those who are in need. By doing this, we fill our empty nests with hope, love, and a true sense of accomplishment. Our kids may noy really need us as they once did, but we all
have something we can contribute to others who do.